lilazndevangel's Xanga

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 03:03:25 GMT

You are not my enemy, but you are the one who breaks my heart. Although you say you love me, please take it back for it is not true and it will never be true. I am never going to be good enough for you to look at me the same. No matter what happens I will always feel this pain and emptiness. Every word you speak tears me to shreds and pierces the very wound that brought pain upon me. I will always love you no matter how much you say I must move on. For you to go on like you do I will always be in pain.

Valentine's Day Presents

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 02:45:34 GMT

I got these two new friends from my dear Julie.

We have two new additions to our little plushie family. The one in pink is Jukums and the golden one is Aime. They are both holing hearts. They match!

Chiyo-chan was happy to see Sam again and Sam was happy to see Chiyo.

When we got home Chiyo was waiting for us at the door. She surprised Sam and was surprised when Sam brought some friends home.

Aime got along well with her new room mates. I think that she and Mr. Tadakichi will get along just fine.

Sam agrees.

All the puppies got together for a photo shoot and played around a bit, while Chiyo was introducing Jukums to PonPon.

I think that they make a wonderful family.

I left them to better acquaint themselves and show them around my room while Me, Lily, Dad, Mom, Kitty, James, and Tina all went out to Ruby Tuesdays to celebrate Mom's 50th Birthday. So I put on a jacket, tie and hat and was set for dinner. I think I like this outfit.

I was at dinner waiting for my food. I decided to call her while I waited, but she didn't pick up the phone. So I left her a message. -sigh- I wish I could have heard her voice though.

Eigth of January Full of Contemplative Bliss

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 03:10:53 GMT

Posted protected on 2007.01.08 at 23:02
Where am I: Morning Glory
I am feeling: lovely
Maestro: Sleep - My Chemical Romance

Three months….only three months…I’m not complaining.

Julie and I spent the third month together so splendidly. I had so many laughs from it but five times as many kisses as well. Julie has the sweetest touch and the most entertaining body language, especially when she laughs, keeps from laughing, or passionate a gentile. Even in the dark she is beautiful. But either way our time we spent had come to an end.

Kitty and I have been talking since we dropped off Julie at seven today. We talked together with only me and her for four hours straight in the car. It is a change that I like. We are becoming more like sisters. Of course, I already considered her a sister but we did do out share of bonding that we do every once in a blue moon. But tonight it was different, it was more in depth, it was more my views tonight. We got started talking about our dreams we used to have and how we have changed since we were little. Then we veered off and segued into the subject of me, how I was not like most people in the south, how I was not a Christian believer, how I had a different orientation to that of the common southerner. She got me to start talking about how my life was growing up being who I was and how I am. She got me to say how I felt about Julie that I was unable to tell anyone else in person. She got me to smile. We talked about the relationship Julie and I have. I told her how I had wanted to be with her even after college. I told her about my dream about proposing to her. I told her about some of the difficulties she and I are having with her parents, her past feelings about being how I am, how this kind of life is so new to her. Kitty, I could tell by the look on her face and the tone of her voice, gained a new perspective for Julie and a new respect for her as well. She understood everything Julie was going through. But then we went back to talking about how I would come out to my own parents. She gave me advice on when or how to do it. She helped me on my timing with the consequences I would have to face when I do come out to them. She told me that if I told them early, like if I were to tell them now, they might not believe me and might think that I did not know what I was talking about.

But then that connected to me explaining how I knew I was different from the very start. I knew I was going to be different from the other kids at a very young age. Then I came to learn about how I was labeled as in society. I said to her how in the beginning of middle school I came to cope that I was what I was and that I cannot change it. What I was is a disease and that there was something wrong with me. During the middle of my junior high school career I went into denial that it was not a disease but only something I made myself into. I told myself that if the world did not need anyone like me then I should just leave myself out of the world and drove myself into depression and ultimately into self destruction, until I met Liz and Blake. They helped me out of that and opened me up to a world where I am what I am and I was not alone. My last year of middle school brought me to accept myself with who I am and not what everyone said I was. I got myself to open up to what I was so afraid of before. I told her everything.

Then I got to telling her how I had a crush on someone but I was still dating someone that Blake hooked me up with. I don’t blame her for out mutuality. But I told her how I would always watch her from the window and seek her out and wish to be near her. I told her how I had been waiting for the longest time just for that one moment we had together when she whispered that we should be together. She understood the long process I had gone though to get to the point where we were today at our three month anniversary.

I thought of the time I knew her name to the time when I could not stop thinking about it, to the time I first saw her face to the time I never wanted to stop looking. It might have been only three months that we have been together but the months before then were the greatest foundation we had to share together to get to what we are now. It is what we went through that tells us that it will last forever; it is what tells me that now. Kitty made me realize that it does not matter how long a couple we are together that makes it a long time it is how long we love each other that makes it forever.

Happy Anniversary for the Third Month Julianne.

I cannot wait until Always and Forever with you.

Sunday, December 31, 2006

Sun, 31 Dec 2006 17:13:33 GMT

10 Things to look forward to for 2007:

1. Nissan 2007 Skyline GTR

2. Mulan (2007)

3. Romance of the Three Kindoms XI

4. Spider Man III

5. Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots

6. New Panic! At the Disco CD

7. Toyota 2007 Celica

8. Final Fantasy XIII

9. Holy Cow

10. the end of 2007

Friday, 15 December 2006

Sat, 16 Dec 2006 19:01:30 GMT

Posted on 2006.12.15 at 23:28
Where am I: Old Grey
I am feeling: sick
Maestro: MUSE

It's Ruka's birthday today! Happy Birthday!

Anyway,

It's the end of they year for this semester and I'm glad that it's over.

I decided to come to school today. I knew I was going to have a head ache, but I went to school anyway. I was really excited about the little concert though. But over all I wanted to see Julie and be able to say I love her for another time.

All those who were participating in the Foreign Language Concert for the school got to skip first and second block. First block was so that we could practice on the stage and formations. Then second block was for the actual concert. At the beginning of the practice I was ready and hyped up for the whole thing. My head ache was nowhere to be found. Since Sensei had not shown up just yet I was roaming around everywhere, and trying to gather up the lost people for the Japanese group. After that I went around to the French group to inform Madame Gallion that I was present and that I was to stay with the Japanese group until Sensei came. I was freaking out because Ms. Collins was asking me where Sensei was and where our music was. I told her that Sensei had the music and she was not there yet. I waited a couple minutes by the auditorium door and found Sensei walk in. I rush to her and tell her that I needed the music. She had it on a CD and I gave that to Ms. Collins. Sensei said she made a few people booklets with the lyrics we were to sing. I took them and ran to the group to pass it out to those who needed them. Mrs. Sayama was trying to get everyone organized, but yet again she was making all of us remember that the whole performance was for a grade. She did the same thing last year and everyone was getting really annoyed. Again, she took the fun out of it. I was trying to enjoy myself.

I like being on stage, though I get really nervous at times. I was worrying about the lyrics for the French songs. I knew everything for Japanese, but French I was having trouble with. Every now and then I would get away from the Japanese group to go to the French group in the back corner of the auditorium to go over the lyrics again and again.

We actually got the practice going after we were organized into sections. First it was the Spanish and then it was Japanese. We practiced singing “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reign Deer” on stage and I could then feel my head ache coming to me. All during the organization I could feel myself bringing up a fever, but the look on Julie’s face whenever she looked at me said that I was not doing a very good job of keeping it all in. She put her hand to my cheek and her voice sounded terrified. I could not tell if I was burning up or anything so I just blew it off. When we did a practice again and when we were lined up against the wall I could feel it getting to me and my eyesight leaving me. I thought I was about to faint. When we started walking up the stairs I was trying to make light of it and made some jokes before getting on the stage, but on the third step I lost my eyesight and got light headed. I fell against the wall and Julie behind me asked if I was alright and gave me support when I got to walking again. I don’t think I ever answered her, I don’t think I wanted to answer her. I didn’t want to scare her, but I think I scared her even more by not answering. Yeah, that wasn’t the wisest decision I ever made.

I was glad that we only had to stay on stage for a limited time. The lights on us were not helping my oncoming fever. But after the Japanese practiced I had to run to the French group and get my things in order. When we went on stage I could feel Julie’s eyes on me the whole time. I was actually on the stage and not on one of the risers like when I sang with the Japanese. That made it even hotter for me. All those who were singing on the risers the hot air poured on those below them. I know this because it works the same way when you’re in chorus. The people at the bottom have more heat from those above them. I was getting light headed again. But I tried to smile for Julie. I was happy to be on stage and I was comfortable up there. I waved to her and she smiled to me. I kept that smile on my face almost the entire time on stage.

When all the classes practiced we took an intermission to bring all of our things to our classes and out of the auditorium. I took my bag and brought it to the French room that was a floor above the auditorium. Julie helped me up the stairs. I was trying to make light conversation with her, but she was really concerned about my health. She felt my face again and said that it had gotten hotter. I couldn’t tell really, but if that’s what she said, then it might have been true. When I put my things in the class I grabbed a couple of paper balls and stuck them into my pocket (they were props for the French songs). I was trying to make her laugh and take her mind of my health for a while. It worked for a while.

Second block came around for some of the school to watch us and the Japanese group was lined up against the wall again, ready for the show to start. I was really hyper again and I managed to make my headache go away for a few minutes. I was playing around with Julie, making light comments, making her laugh, bumping my hip with hers, dancing around, and basically being hyper. Then once we went on stage my headache was alleviating, but then the lights came out on us. I was on the riser with Julie behind me. I almost fell over when my eyesight went blank, but Julie caught me. She whispered in my ear, “I’ll catch you if you fall.” I closed my eyes and tried my hardest to straighten my head out. I heard the track start playing and put a smile on my face. I looked straight towards Sensei in the back of the room when we were singing “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reign Deer”. It looked like she was having fun dancing back there. That kept me going and smiling the whole time. Then we sang our second song that was about the New Year, Oshoogatsu. We were to sway a little and then I went light headed again. I put my hand behind my back and Julie got the message and took my hand. I needed support. I was glad that she was there for me. It was hard for me to sway back and forth, but I did it anyway. It wasn’t the best choice for me to make, but I was on stage and I know that I am supposed to do my best on stage. After the song was over we were supposed to bow, but I only nodded and leaned forward a bit. I carefully got down from the riser and followed everyone off stage. I walked off with a smile on my face. I did have fun up there, but I probably would have more fun without my unhealthy condition.

I was not done yet. I still had to sing with the French group. I wanted to stay with Julie for a little while longer, but I had a duty to perform and follow through with. I went to my other group and waited for us to sing. I slept some through some of the other performances. I heard a couple remarks that were really rude and nasty. But I didn’t have the power in me to do anything about it. I continued to sleep. I sat next to Madame Gallion and she woke me when we got ready to walk on stage. I was running the words in my head another time, but I could not remember a word of “Vive Le Vent”. I had the words of the carol we were to sing on the paper we brought up on stage so I at least knew one song. I checked my pockets again for my “snowballs”. I smiled because this was going to be fun. When we sang “Acure Fidelez” I was feeling my fever come again, especially when the lights were on me again. But I only stood and sang for that one song and that was alright for me. I kept my mind on the orchestra that was playing for us and thought of how nicely it sounded. But that did not help me at all, the sound was going to my head and standing so close to them did not help. I looked into the audience to find Julie and smiled when I found her looking at me. I think she kept her eyes on me the whole time. I sang the best I could, as loud as I could. Then after that song we were to grab more “snow balls” to throw at each other during “Vive Le Vent”. I took mine out and grabbed a few more

The track started to play and we all threw paper balls at each other. It was hard for me to move around and throw things without fainting. We were supposed to make it look like a snow ball fight between the singing and interludes, so I did what I could. I tapped on girl on the shoulder and threw it at her. Then I turn around to throw another at Vicky and Holly. Then the girl taps me on the shoulder and I turn to look at her and she gives me one in the face. I faked being shocked and threw my head back, which made me light headed. When we got to actually singing I was worried that I would not know the lyrics anymore, but I thought of the time when Julie came with me to rehearse with Madame Gallion one day after school. Then the words came to me in that instant. I looked at Julie and she was singing along also. I smiled and my vision came to me somewhat. You know how people stick out of the crowd sometimes? I had that; it was like a spotlight was on her the whole time she would sing along with us.

We were that last group to sing and then we got all the language groups to stand and sing “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”. When we were done we cleaned up the stage and picked up the paper balls we threw around. I went under stage sets and bent over a couple times. It gave me a headache. All the classes were gone from the auditorium but all the language groups had to stay in their seats. The French group was on stage sitting. I walked over to Holly and she said that I looked red. She put her hand to my head and she put her other to hers. She said that I was burning up. I could feel it then. I lied my head down on the stage and closed my eyes tightly. I didn’t know what to do. I stayed like that for a moment and Ms. Sayama dismissed us to our classes. I did not feel like walking just yet. I sat on the steps and tried to calm myself. Julie came running to me and took care of me. She felt my head, my neck, my cheek and said that I burning up also.

We walked again up to the third floor and got our things to go on to the remaining fifteen minutes of second block. She helped me to class once again. We walked from the third floor all the way to the first floor. When I got to Chemistry I was glad they were watching a movie, and then I could sleep some. I went to sleep on someone’s desk and stayed there for a really, really long time. I growled at the person who turned on the light when it was time to go to lunch. Apparently when I was all excited this morning I had forgotten a lot of things, including my lunch. I had forgotten to make Julie and my lunch. I felt so bad that I had did not bring it. I stared her. Man, I’m horrible. We had outside like we usually do and I could feel myself cooling down. Julie went straight to the bathroom, and I was worried about her and followed her into the building. When I got to the restroom I wound her making me a wet paper towel for my head. It helped some. I was definitely cooling off. She matted it all over my face. Julie was trying hard to take care of me. I love her effort. I told her that I was fine, but my temperature betrayed me. She said that when she took away the towel from my face it was no longer cold, that it was as hot as my forehead. To tell you the truth I was getting better. I got her to come out from the bathroom and back outside with the fresh air. I got to running around a bit in the court yard with Nicky, BBnka, and Danielle and stretched my muscles and gave myself a breather. I was worried because Julie wasn’t having any fun with us. She only sat on the ground and didn’t talk to me or anyone else. She was worried about me again and I couldn’t convince her that I was feeling better. All I needed was fresh air and a breather from the congested auditorium.

Lunch was over and we made our way to Japanese class. Tasha and Miko needed money for tip that they had to pay for the Domino’s Pizza dude. We were planning this from the last time they came over to the house and I agreed that I would help pay for it. I gave my money to Miko and Tasha and went to Japanese to tell Sensei that the pizza was coming. All that walking and running outside did me some good; my headache was gone and my fever was gone, all needed was food and for Julie to cheer up. We watched Memoirs of a Geisha. I heard it was a good movie, but I needed to be the judge of that. I read the book a couple of times and I thoroughly enjoyed that. Julie and I got some of the pizza that came. I fed her my pepperoni that was on mine and we watched together. I held her hand during the movie and told her that I was feeling better. She touched me head again and cheered up. I felt cooler and we continued to enjoy the rest of the movie. I got hungry again and took another pizza and ate that. I shared the last slice with Julie and fed it to her. She was having some trouble tearing it off. It was cute. We used my jacket as a blanket and Julie took it with her to fourth block. By the end of the period I was all hyper again and a little mad because we didn’t get to finish the movie.

Julie and I separated to our last class of the day. In French Culture we watched Count of Monte Cristo and had some food and drinks. I was getting all into the movie and it turns out that we didn’t finish that one either. I have Memoirs of a Geisha, but I do not own Count of Monte Cristo. That is a really good movie.

After school I waited for Julie so that we could walk to Japanese club together. I was talking to Caitlin and Julie slowly comes out to us carrying my jacket and her art folder. I took hold of her and she started pressed her face into my jacket. I got worried and panicked. Then I could tell that she wasn’t crying, but chuckling. She said that she had a headache that might have gotten to her and might have gone into the wrong bathroom. She wanted me to go with her to check to see if she really did. I carried her things to Japanese club and set them there. We both went back to the bathroom she went to and she had the realization that she did go into the wrong bathroom. Poor thing, she shouldn’t worry though, it happens to practically everyone. I carried her on my back when we walked back to Japanese club.

We played some games and took lots of pictures. Then we got to make our own post cards for the year of the Boar. I got Julie one of the cute pigs and I got this…black pig Julie says is from Ranma or something like that. I went a little marker crazy. But I was worried about Julie, so wasn’t smiling like she was earlier. We made ourselves some rice balls. I wanted to make Julie a generic sushi to at least make her smile. I guess the small twitch at the corner of her lip could have been considered a smile when I gave her the sushi. I made myself a smaller sushi. Ani, Jackie, Nam, Kit-Kat, Meka, Julie and I stayed behind and ate with Sensei. Then we cleaned up and went on our way.

I carried Julie’s art folder, our presents we got earlier from Danielle, our post cards we drew, and my book bag to the parking lot where we waited for our rides to come and pick us up. She was getting cold and shivered when we sat on the pavement. I gave her my jacket once again and tried to warm her up. I was really worried about her. I was doing my best. I held her and tried to rub her gently. I was afraid that it wasn’t helping her much. I hummed into her ear a tune that I always loved as a child, “Love Me Tender” by Elvis Presley. I hope she got warmer or at least liked it. I wanted to be with her this afternoon, but since she wasn’t feeling well we decided that is would be best if she went home and rested. I was glad that Mikums came soon after that.

I stayed outside after she got picked up for another ten or fifteen minutes. Mother came by after work to pick me up. In the car I felt my fever coming back. When we got home I blindly made my way to my room and I luckily collapsed onto my bed. I didn’t wake up until eleven.

I Hate Interruptions

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 00:31:45 GMT

Wow...this was six pages long....

So for the past two days I got to see Julie. I do have to say that I loved every moment of it.

On Friday she came to stay at the house after school since we had a pep rally again. We went home and hung out together since it was our Two Month Anniversary. I wanted to be with her since we couldn’t on our first month. She eventually got to stay at the house for practically the whole night. Mikums said he would come by after his meeting and would hang out with Lily too.

Julie and I had a tickle war in my room and I was all over the floor because she said something that I couldn’t hear and I wanted to know what she said. I thought that I heard something…but I didn’t want to have the wrong idea. So I tried to make her say it again be she wouldn’t. So I resorted in tickling her. She tried to tickle me too but I tried to prevent that. It lasted for so long. Then Lily was getting cold and wanted to play something.

We played DDR to warm up. Then Miko and Tasha came by to play again like they did last sometime that week. It was like a game night. Everyone was playing something. I tried to call Blake to see if he wanted to hang out with us too, but he was at work. Then Kitty came after she got home from work. Miko brought his Guitar Hero and a whole briefcase full of PlayStation games. Then when Mikums came again he brought Super Smash Brothers and some other games I haven’t played in a long time. We all played for the longest time.

Everyone went to Lily’s room to play Super Smash Brothers while Julie and I slept in my room. We got under the blankets and slept. She had her head on my shoulder and held me. I was so warm. My heart started to beat faster and I was afraid she might have heard it. Our sleep was interrupted when Lily’s cell phone rang in my room. I carefully disengaged myself from Julie’s grasp and answered her phone. I hate interruptions.

We went back to sleep, but only for a few minutes. Lily came into my room and turned on the light in our eyes. They wanted to play Guitar Hero again. Julie and I moved and slept in the living room. I gave her the pillow and blanket to sleep on the couch while I slept on the chair in a ball. Julie wouldn’t go to sleep unless I was warm and had somewhere to sleep. She looked so tired and she could have slept on the couch while I was on the floor, but she wouldn’t have that. I told her that we couldn’t fit on the couch together, but she insisted. That meant that someone was on someone. I guess that’s what she wanted, I didn’t object. She laid herself on me and we were both under the covers again, nice and warm. Her head was on my chest and I felt my heart beating faster and I was blushing. It was dark and I was hoping she wouldn’t see. I held her close and I wish that the night would not end so soon. Then kissed her goodnight again…well, that will be only for us to know. We didn’t do anything, and I’m not about to get accused of having sex with her, like her father so impudently assumed.

My parents came home from mother’s ball and I had to let go of her and get off the couch. I ran to the kitchen and tried to make myself occupied with the dishes so that it didn’t look like we were together on the couch. Julie soon came after dad patted her on the head when he passed by her on the couch. She told me that he had done and that meant that he liked her. That’s good to know. At least he likes her for a start. Mother is always telling us to invite her to the places we go, so I think that’s a good sign. Julie looked to be happy that they like her. She jumped a few times when I said that. At least one set of our parents like someone.

Then it came time for her to leave. I didn’t want her to leave. I wanted to be with her longer, but if she did. I’d probably never see her again. So it was good bye and sweet kisses. I hugged Mikums good bye also. He looked cold too. He needed a hug.

Miko and Tasha were still at the house and Kitty was now playing Guitar Hero. She is pretty good at it for someone who has never played it before. Tasha fell asleep on my bed and it came time for Miko and Tasha to go an hour after Julie and Mikums left. She wouldn’t budge and we were trying to get her to wake up. Finally we got her to unravel out of her ball and Miko and I carried her to the hallway. We were about to carry her to the car but it was so cold and she didn’t have on her jacket. So we opened the door and she shot right up and put on her shoes. Miko was relieved and loaded his things in his car. He decided to leave his Guitar Hero at our house since Lily loves it so much and won’t stop playing it. They both drove home and Kitty was the only one left. She and Lily played Guitar Hero for a very long time. Mother and dad were probably tired of us making noise so Kitty walked home with a ginormous blanket wrapped around her and her warm fuzzy slippers. She only had to walk half a block. Lily was still playing when I went to bed. The PlayStation was in my room so when I slept I tried to imagine sleeping with Julie to block all the noise out of my head. It helps me falls sleep faster when I am in her arms.

Saturday I asked Lily to invite Mikums to see her play her violin for the little pageant for Christmas the Filipino American Association does every year when we were at practice that morning. This time I did not have to dance so I could spend most of my time watching it instead of stressing over it. But in replacement I had to narrate the pageant with my dad still.

Well after our morning practice we went home to rest. I changed and got ready for the program that night. I waited for Mikums and Julie to come while Lily played the Guitar Hero Miko let us borrow. She hasn’t stopped playing it since Miko and Tasha left. Anyway, they finally arrived and I was still getting ready.

It was nice to see her again. Friday just wasn’t long enough for me. She was smiling when I saw her step through the door. She looked really beautiful. We joined Lily and Mikums in my room to watch the play Guitar Hero. Lily was going at it again and again trying to ace every song she played on HARD. I didn’t mind, but hey, some people might have wanted to play. She took a break from that and Julie played. I was really impressed. She did a good job, she even passed the song. I was so proud of her, though in the end she was all, “I suck.” I disagree. She is wonderful.

I had to get ready still so I went out to search for my leather jacket and didn’t find it in any of its normal places. I looked everywhere. I saw that Julie was looking for it also, that was sweet of her. She even looked in my closet. It’s good to know that she was comfortable to go looking through my things so casually. Most of the time I would get mad that they didn’t even ask but this time I didn’t even feel that my things were being intruded on. Anyway, I eventually found it in Lily’s closet; she said it was her jacket. Yeah right. Then I go to the bathroom to fix my hair again and put on something that Julie liked. When I step out Julie follows me into my room when I had to get something and she is practically all over me asking what I put on. I didn’t want to tell her, it is too cute whenever she does that. Then I notice that she has on my favorite blue jacket on. I didn’t mind that at all. It looks good on her.

Well when it came twenty minutes till six we got on the road. But before we went Mikums turned to Julie and told her to keep Lily’s violin safe. I wasn’t sure what she was doing the back seat but when we sat back down I saw that she had put it in the seat belt. I thought, “That was clever, I would have never thought to do that.” I didn’t find it funny until I thought of Julie’s Pokums teddy.

We made it to the place and waited around for mother, dad, and all the other people to get the food set up for the thing. We unloaded the food and the drinks from our car. Julie had gotten sad because her brother was leaving in only a month. She had only realized it when she had pointed out that there would have been some Japanese families at the function and that he should talk to them for practice since he will be leaving in a month. I was not there when she had realized this. I saw her come walking up to me looking rather distraught. I got worried. She told me what happened and I nudged her forward towards Mikums so that she could spend some time with him. Unfortunately she had only clung onto him and started to whine into his jacket. Lily and him looked the same way when she had come to cling to me. I told them what she had said in Japanese. He understood. I hope that she would be able to survive with him gone for a couple months.

To take our minds off of that we went backstage and they played the piano while Julie and I went into the dressing room. I found the sticks that I had when I was a kid. I haven’t seen them in so long and I started to talk about them. I hope I wasn’t boring her by talking about some sticks. After talking for a while we went back to join Lily and Mikums play the piano. The look in Julie’s eyes really worried me. I asked if she was alright, but she kept it in. I do that all the time, keep in what I would be feeling and try not to let anyone see me cry. I was afraid that she might have been doing it. I was asking her if she was alright the whole night and she said that she was fine. I get worried whenever she does that. I can never tell if she is telling the truth or not. Only rarely do I know when she is lying. But she can see right through me every time. I don’t know how she does it.

I checked outside and saw that they were getting ready for the prayer. I told them to stop playing the piano so we can get ready to bless the food. After the prayer everyone lined up to get their food. Julie said that she wasn’t hungry. Lily and Mikums got to get food, but I didn’t go with them. I stayed with Julie. If she wasn’t going to eat food then I would keep her company. Every now and then I greeted some of the people I knew I haven’t seen in a long time. I guess I was a bit hungry; I hadn’t eaten anything yet that day. But I could last a few more hours. I played with some of the little kids while waiting for the two to get their food. I glance in Julie’s direction and see her smiling every time I play around with them. It’s nice to see her smile. I love it to death. Thought I am not sure why she smiles when I do things like that, but I do it anyway.

When they got their food we made our way to the back of the auditorium and sat at the desks instead at the tables in the middle of the room. We goofed around back there and waited until the program started. I was needed to narrate with dad after everyone is done eating. Soon it came time to start the show. I stood up there not knowing what I was really supposed to do. Lily was asking me when to go every time I stopped for dad to take the next narration. I didn’t know when so I just told her when to play the violin and when to stop by my educated guessing. I guess it went alright, no one was looking at me like I had messed up the order or anything. Dad, Lily and I had to recite in the dark. I could not see what came next so I took this tiny flashlight and turned it on while the lights were off. I was worried that they would get mad at me for turning it on but no one did so I continued to use it whenever I needed it and I shined it on Lily’s music sheets when she needed to play. Overall I think it went pretty good.

After that we went on with the program. A portion of the FAA dancers did the modern danced this year and for their début performance the Buliliks danced Pamela and Sleigh Bells Rock. The Buliliks are the little ones in the FAA that dance. It was really funny, I couldn’t stop laughing. I looked to Julie and saw that she had on that sympathy look on her face. They might have been messing up but they were having fun up there I know it. I was like that when I had to dance for the first time on stage. I was glad that I didn’t have to dance this year. I got to spend time with Julie and Mikums, mostly Julie though.

In between the dances they did the raffles with the tickets. I got all hyper because I never win anything at these things. They hand out free tickets and you are in the running to get a free prize. I went around to all the people who were handing out the tickets and said that I didn’t get one. So I had four tickets in my hand. When they pulled the first one mother got a prize. Then the next one was pulled and one of the aunties won something. I was so close! Then they pulled the second to last one and they called my number! YES! FINALLY SOMETHING! I went to claim it and they gave me a poinsettia plant. When I was walking off with it mother calls to me and says that it’s hers and that I should bring it to her. I didn’t want to but she had that look on her face that said not to ruin her evening. So I brought it out to her and left it on her table. Well at least I got something.

Then they got the whole crowd to sing “Twelve Days of Christmas”. It was really pathetic. So I got up and ran to the middle of the room to help them sing. It wasn’t too bad. My voice cracked, but it was nothing that couldn’t be fixed. I was out of breath and the hunger was getting to me by the time they were almost done with the second game they played. It was called “The Boat is Sinking”. You had to accumulate as many people the announcer says within a certain amount of time. Our group made it to 20 people until we got disqualified for having too many people. Then which ever team wins had to do a little dance for victory in a certain way. And apparently the two choices were, sexy or angry. The little rhyme goes like this:

Boom Tara Tara

TARA RA! TARA RA!

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

You have to do a little dance to that. It’s quite fun when you have the right choices. But this time it was a bit….rated for me.

Then the crowd play another game where you throw a box with dice around and who ever catches it when the music stops gets money. It would all depend on the amount of money you get one which ever number the dice land on. If you get a double then you get doubled whatever you have and if it’s only singles then you only get that much. I was in desperate need of money, but I really wanted to get some money for Julie. I went down there to join them but I couldn’t get a hold of the box until this one time, but this little white kid decides to punch me in the face and push a little mixed girl out of the way. I let go of the box and help her up. I really don’t like that kid or his brothers. They are always so rough with other people and they are so rude. I don’t even know them and they always show up at our functions. Oh well, I was getting tired and I couldn’t wait any longer for them to stop playing games so we could dance. So I ask dad and mother if we could go home early. They said it was alright.

I went to go find my jacket and tell Lily and Mikum that we could leave. I find that Julie is wearing my leather jacket. I didn’t mind. Other people noticed that I didn’t get mad and take it from her. I think some people noticed that she had on my favorite blue jacket also. I didn’t care. I walked outside holding Julie’s jacket and we waited for them at the car. She said that she felt special when she wore my leather jacket at Homecoming. She does have a point. She is special. And I wouldn’t give anyone my jacket. I held her because she was still cold. I have to admit that she looks nice in my clothes, better than me I have to say. I was warm even without having a jacket. They finally came out and we got in the car and drove home.

When we got home I changed. I was in the middle of putting away my clothes and hanging them in my closet and suddenly Julie hugs me from behind. I love it when she holds me like that. I quickly put away my clothes and turn so I could see her. I was worried if she was feeling sad again about her brother leaving. I asked if she was alright again. She nodded. I was glad, so I kissed her. Things….well I’ll save that for myself and Julie.

Then after we were on my bed she decides to take revenge on me and tickles my sides. I started to squirm and tried to take her hands away from me, but she pinned me to the bed and I couldn’t get her off of me. She found my sensitive and ticklish spots and went for it. I was yelling for her to stop and I was whining a lot too. She kept on going. Finally I got free of her hold and I covered myself in my blanket and my pillows. But she still manages to get to me again. Then I don’t know how it ended but we stopped and I caught my breath.

I suddenly got really tired. I think it was because of not eating just yet. But I lied down on the bed and Julie joined me. She was always smelling me and it tickled when she did that. We began to talk and other things. She whispered so softly of the secrets she knew about me. I had no idea that she knew all of them and she’ll probably know everything about me, more than myself even. She has the sweetest voice and it’s so melodious. I am always thinking of what to say, how to say it. It’s always good to think with your heart, but my heart was beating too fast to have anything to say. And her warmth, her presence, her voice, her words, they left me breathless. I almost drifted off to sleep again.

When I was awake again we started to watch Robot Chicken on the television. It was almost time for her to leave. Mikums and Lily joined us after they were done playing the piano together and watching in the living room. A little after that they had to leave and I walked them to their car. And that was the end of that night. I wished that I was in her arms again. I felt so warm, content, safe, and loved.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 02:07:58 GMT

She lent me her jacket earlier today, but that was only because I put mine in her locker. It seems she likes to smell it and so before we went to lunch together I saw that she had put mine on. It’s like I said before, she looks better in my clothes than I do. Later she gives me her jacket. I already had another jacket on, but it never hurt to have another one in case. The only thing that was worrying me was that her mother or her father would not like it if she had my jacket and I have hers.

I remember yesterday after school when her mother came to pick her up from art club she did not look at me in the eye like she used to. I tried to be myself when accompanying her daughter to the car to show that I was respecting her daughter in her mother’s presence and to show that I did respect her as well. But it was just the same when her father came to pick her up. She dragged me along to her father’s car to ask if she could come over to my house. He would not look at me at all when I would look at him in fear and at the same time respect, so I kept my eyes to the ground, my shoes. Even then he never looked at me neither in my direction as I noticed in the corners of my eyes. I do not think that they like me as they say they do…or did. It is true, I do not believe them. But I continue to try to respect their wishes for them and their daughter. I guess they do not see that, among other things.

I’m disappointed in her parents. I’m disappointed in their mistrust in me. Yes, I guess that they never trusted me in the first place, but I’ve been respectful to them and to their daughter. I am the kind of person that gives respect and expects to have it returned. And for them to say that I might have a sexual relationship with Julie since we got “married” last month at the school’s October Fest really disrespects my beliefs in sex after marriage. Apparently they found our “marriage license” and say that we will misbehave. Damnit, fuck that! It’s not a real license for fuckin’ sake! I can not stand how I am being treated by two people who are ignorant enough to judge me when they haven’t taken the courtesy to take my word with their daughter. And for them to say things behind my back and say it to Julie is like reopening a scab in the neck with scissors. They disapprove of me, of us. They are ashamed of their daughter. They are ashamed of our relationship. I don’t want them to be ashamed of their own daughter. It’s not very parent-like. Why can’t they tell me rather than shy around? Be an adult and have a conference with me if you have to, but don’t make her cry or feel bad or hurt her.

I did not put her jacket on after thinking of that. I was trying to make sure that I did not violate it in any way so that I may return it as it was before she lent it to me. After school I walked her to her bus and waited at the car trying to finish my homework. Kitty and Lily both had detention so I waited for them. I got tired after an hour and leaned over the trunk of the car using her jacket as my pillow. It did not smell like her. It smelt like her bed. I missed her right then. The sent of her bed was the closest I could be to her.

When I got home I guess I just collapsed on the floor and was knocked out for good. I did not wake until four hours later. Sometimes when I remember what they say about me I want to forget all about it, but every word it like a stain. And to forget about it I could die for that. But I really don’t want to leave Julie ever.

Rain Rain Go Away...

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 22:57:50 GMT

I am soaked and I think that I need a warm bath. When I got home I stripped out of three layers of drenched clothes. THREE LAYERS! So I'm running around in my boxers and tanktop trying to find somewhere to put them. Finally they were hung up in the garage and not in the dryer. So now...I'm...dry I guess

But after school I rushed to see Julie safely to her bus and then went straight to the car. It started to pur down harder every minute. I couldn't see very well and neither could the other drivers in the parking lot. So a car comes at me (like last time) and I fall to the gound into a smalle river that was running down the hill. My leg popped out of it's socket and now it makes it hard to walk, let alone sit. I made it to the car safely and I waited for Kitty but she never showed up. I stood in the rain doused until I could feel it running down my skin. I waited for thirty minutes and decided to go with Lily to look for Kitty. We went back inside and found her at her locker. She was in a conference with one of the teachers.

We headed back to the car and Lily told us to pick her up in the front of the school and out of the rain. Sure, no problem. We raced to the car and got in and waited until the traffic was courious enough to let us out of our parking spot. That took thirty minutes in itself. We went around the school hoping to find Lily quickly and go home. But then Kitty's mother calls my phone franticly. She told us to get back in the school because the Tornado Alarm went off. So after hearing all that she said we went back around the school to the parking lot and headed to the library. But first I tried to call Julie telling her my whereabouts, since she wanted to know how I was doing during the accident yesterday. I left her a message.

We walked to the building and I saw a car stuck in the water. The water was half way above the car door and they couldn't move out of the flood. I hope they are alright. By this time the drive through in the back of the school was flooded and no one could drive or walk through it without getting something soaked. My hair, pants, socks, shoes, pullover, and shirt were doused to the core. Then the wind started to blow harder and it gave me chills. Kitty and I walked through the school and to the first floor to find Lily. Everyone in the building was relocated to the front of the library for safety. We stayed there for a long time. We couldn't go home until a parent or the alarm turned off. I had to sit on the floor and face the lockers. My leg wasn't cooperating and I was afraid that it might pop out of it's socket again. But that was the least of my problems. I called Julie again to see if she was alright. She didn't pick up. She was probably still on the bus, well, that's good as long as she is safe. I waited impatiently hoping that she was alright. She was probably having a hard time with that bus driver, but I would rather have her on that bus that in a tornado. She probably wouldn't want to..but I want her alive.

But when they released us to go home we drove extra careful too. Kitty and I made a bet as to how many car accidents we were going to see on our way home. I said one she said two or three. I won.

And now I am home drying myself up with this towel and a fresh set of clothes. Oh, and when I was trying to take my hoody off so that I wouldn't get sick (Julie told me to make healthy decisions) my shoulder popped out of it's socket. I knew something else came out when I fell but I couldn't tell what was hurting. I guess that was it. Oh well. That is least of my worries. I want to know it Julie is safe.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 18:31:25 GMT

I Love Her So Much

Posted on 2006.10.08 at 22:59

It used to be I would never find love and I would never want to try to. But now . . . .

I have a lover.

And now I'm set for the rest of my life.

I couldn't ask for anyone else.

I love her so much.

What's Been Going on Lately

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 19:18:01 GMT

Posted on 2006.09.03 at 08:10
Where am I: Morning Light
I am feeling: contemplative
Maestro: tick tock tick tock tick tock . . . .

It was strange; I could not get back to sleep at all this morning. I woke around four-thirty and helplessly tried to fall asleep. There was no use; my mind was wide open. Although I was dreaming, I was dreaming while I was awake? How could that be? My thoughts ran through my head and all I could think about was her. What was she doing? Is she feeling better? Again and again I unnoticeably thought of how much she has changed my life; I could feel tears seep down my cheek. I started to cry. I thought of how much she means to me. It truly is a mystery how I came to meet her, how she slowly came into my life. Maybe she was right, if she had not have asked about the car accident or asked to be partners or if we did not sit next to one another on the school trip . . . where would we be now? Yes, I did watch her from the window in the mornings. Yes, I did have feelings for her when I first saw her; it was like I had a connection, this feeling about her. But would I have gotten up all the courage to actually talk to her? I was afraid that I would become vulnerable. I was afraid I would get hurt, but in the instant that she asked if I was alright, my walls came down from then on and ever since that day they were slowly eroding to nothing at all. I was so callous and now . . . I am . . . compassionate? I had not noticed the change, until this morning. I thought of the show yesterday. How I wanted her to be there. There was a woman called to the stage to perform for us a number of times, her first name, Julie. I wanted so bad to run outside and call her, to dial the number. I kept my hand on my phone. It was seven-forty-five when I last looked at the clock. I had stopped crying and turned over in my bed. How will I prove that I love her? I do not know, but then I do know. We’ll just have to wait for the moment when I do.

Posted on 2006.09.23 at 23:57
I am feeling: tired
Maestro: CHEMISTRY

Japan Fest

Yes I am too lazy to actually write it all out in the form of what I love to write in. There is just too much to think about to write it out like that.

1) woke up a two hours from the time I went to bed

2) became a senior for a day with Meka, Joo, and Franklin

3) Meka and I sat together near the back

4) Julie came a later than I . . . I wanted to spend the time on the bus together . . . but I saw Mario . . . and decided that they needed to be together—they took their seats in the front

5) I get jealous when I see them together so to desperately take my mind off of it I listened to Ayumi Hamasaki, Morning Musume, Shiina Ringo, and other artists that escape my mind

6) We sang, danced, snapped, rocked to the music

7) We did more than just that, we, well I, was talking loud on our trip to ATL

8) Basically made complete idiots of ourselves until we reached the Japan Fest

9) Once off we walked a long way from the parking to the field (last time we didn’t have to walk that far . . . only across the street, but this time it was about 150ft away)

10) I got worried for all the students who aren’t used to the 97 degree heat and excessive movement

11) Meka and I went around the bazaar area with Julie and Mario

12) Got Lily a stamp set with little animated animals, chopsticks, and a Pikachu mask

13) I wanted to get myself a practice sword (I do not own a practice sword . . . only the real things . . . so I don’t really get to practice anymore), but what kept me from getting one was the thought of the parents back home . . . they would think that I was crazy, in a gang (like people in gangs carry around swords like they did in the old ronin ages). . . I can get one for a birthday present for myself . . .

14) Walking around made the group exhausted (well I was only paying attention to Julie . . . her face was going pale by the hour, I was panicking inside) and hungry so half of us got in line at one of the booths

15) At that point my shoulders started to hurt again and my knee was locking up

16) I started to get a headache again, which made me the least bit happy

17) We took a break in the shade to eat and watch the stage change with performances . . . which Julie failed to notice from time to time

18) I took pictures of the things I found interesting, cute, and ::cough::Julie::cough:: . . . yeah . . . pathetic, I know

19) We came to our feet again and continued our journey around the park to different booths

20) Before we left Julie got an adorable bear . . . I saw it earlier and wanted to get it for her, but last time I had gotten her some stuff . . . the look in her eye was, “I can’t believe you . . .”

21) By the end we walked back in the horrendous heat to the parking. Julie was scaring me even more when she wasn’t responding to me and leaned her head against the stone fence

22) Mario wasn’t with us then and we boarded the bus, Julie wasn’t feeling well and it was going to kill me if she hadn’t been looked after; we sat together

23) The trip home was quiet compared to the morning’s ride; Julie had fallen asleep, all I could do was watch her and ignore Meka’s torments

24) I got a scar on my left forearm that looked like a smile which started to bleed a little

25) We managed to make it to the campus safely on the bus (I was surprised because the driver was really . . . questionable . . . she had already hit a sign, blaming the students’ volume but she was the one trying to get her pager out)

26) During the whole field trip one song was playing through my head

Julie “kidnapped” me again and brought me to her house. I love being able to spend time with her. When we got to her room I saw the Lucky Charms box in her room. “Hearts, stars, mushrooms, potatoes and blue moons, pots and golden rainbows, and a red balloon . . .” I was trying so hard . . . I swear I was, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. Julie poured me a bowl of the cereal. Hesitantly I ate from her previously used bowl to eat what I haven’t been able to in years. I was close to finishing but she puts in a M&M Crunch candy into the bowl . . . “Do I have to eat this with a spoon too?” Surprisingly she says yes, so I did, well tried. It probably took me twenty minutes to actually have an opening and twenty more minutes to get it out of the foil. To tell you the truth that was a real challenge for me, I was about to give up. Julie was watching me closely, so that was basically my motivation. She kissed my cheek and hugged me after I had successfully accomplished this new trick of mine; I was 1) melting inside and 2) dancing at the same time. Then it was Julie’s turn to try. Man, she got it out of the tin-foil quicker than I did, but she folded (with the spoon) it into a heart for me. I thought it was cutely romantic of her. I will keep it forever. I made her a foil heart also, like I said before, she has my heart.

My head was throbbing again, but Julie, I’m going to use Julie’s word, “fixed” it with that medicine I usually take when I have a headache when I work, doesn’t work as fast at Tylenol for me, but it went away nonetheless. Before dinner we watched 50First Dates on the T.V. and later Pirates of the Caribbean. It was funny watching 50First Dates because spontaneously I had remembered the lines to it, though I only watched it a limited number of times—doesn’t take that many times for me to memorize a movie. Strange. I think her mother thinks I’m . . . okashii. We ate dinner, which was fairly good. The chicken was well grilled with Hawaiian marinate sauce; props to the chef. Julie’s parents were being sarcastic with the . . . what do you called them . . . biscuits? . . . yeah well . . . it was funny because I had gotten the small sarcasm before Julie. Then it was cute how she gotten a biscuit, after it had just been taken out of the oven, and hurriedly tried to bring it to her plate . . . but drops it before she reached the counter. She fell to the floor laughing . . . I went down with her . . . . did she just do a Pokums? . . . I think she did. Heh, I just found out that I can’t say the name Julie dubbed me with. I just can’t say it . . . it never comes out right . . .

We are starting to pick up traits and behavior from each other . . . the whole night I was thinking how in almost every situation I had done a Julie. It was weird. Even after all these years of spending time with my childhood friends none of their traits ever rubbed off on me, it has only happened with Julie.

Well it was cutting close to being late to get home. Michael brought me home . . . I feel like I am using him as a taxi service. Makes me feel like I am using him . . . I should get him a Thank You present. In the car I was able to hear Julie sing. She has a beautiful voice. It serenades me and makes me fall to pieces. The ride home I closed my eyes just to hear her sing, it was wonderful. I was imagining a siren, I love her voice. We made it home on time to find out that the parents weren’t home, again.

Oh well, I made sure to call them to make sure if it was alright for them to stay for a while, they said it was fine so long as we stayed together. I gave Lily her gifts and we watched her open each one. I remember I had spaced out for a second when it went silent for a while and everyone just looked at me . . . all eyes were on me . . . then everyone just started to laugh . . . I just sat there confused. I found out later from Lily that the reason everyone laughed was because when it was quiet after she said, “Thank you . . .” I apparently just sat there for a while . . . two or three minutes . . . and then just smiled. They thought it was funny. I wasn’t aware that I had done that, I was really out of it. The lack of rest or sleep was really getting to me so I got up and left to do something else. I ended up uploading the pictures I took to the computer. Julie followed and wanted some pictures of me . . . . though . . . I never let anyone have any pictures of me.

Later Julie fell asleep on Lily’s bed . . . I wasn’t sure if she would be comfortable on her bed . . . not many people are when they sleep. I was going to carry her to my room, but Kitty came by to visit so I kissed her instead before opening the door. I eventually fell asleep on Julie . . . oops . . .

She was able to give me a massage for my sore shoulders. I greatly needed it and I was too tired to argue, so I let her. I felt myself relaxing to her touch and I blushed as she eased my back. It was somewhat nerve racking when she massaged around me neck, no one has really done that to me and I don’t let anyone touch me like that there, and so it was a first. I never got the chance to thank her for it either, making me feel guilty.

Soon they had to leave and things went rough. I don’t want to talk about it.

The five of us didn’t get to play Jengga. Kitty, Lily and I played together for a while after Julie and Michael left the driveway. We managed to make it far enough to have a few laughs . . . but I soon left . . . since I was the one making it fall most of the time.

I managed to get to talk to Julie when she got home. I just wanted to hold her for the night as she went to sleep.

When I went to bed there was something that kept running through my mind over and over again . . .

“. . . You come over unannounced. Silence broken by your voice in the dark. I need you here tonight just like the ocean needs the waves. Fall around me now like stars that shine and brighten the way. I need you here tonight like this night it needs the rain . . .”

Posted on 2006.09.26 at 23:29
Where am I: Morning Light
I am feeling: love-struck
Maestro: Kimi ga Iru - Chemistry

I had a belief that every person had someone that they were to be with throughout their whole life. I had abandoned it a long time ago and never gave it a single thought until today. Today I asked her to stay with me forever. Had I done the right thing? Did I just make her commit to something that might turn to be a lie later? The Gods know that more than anything I would want to be at her side until the very end, but is that the same way she feels? There was no intention that I would force her to do anything she does not want, not is she is not ready.

Everything takes time. For me, I took the time to contemplate how I have changed, how things are going to be different, how my decisions have made me a different person. A long time ago I had the belief of a soul mate. Is it true? I am not certain; the whole topic is broad and vague. How do you define a soul mate? Soul mate, in my perspective, is someone that you can not live without whether it is your family or another person. A soul mate is someone that makes you happy, that each day they are the ones that you think about and care for deeply. They are that one person that does not need many words to know that it is them you love and cherish.

Yes, I have been thinking. I have done my time in the room of silence. I think I have found mine. Certainly I have fallen in love with her and I am not denying it at all. Have I said that she makes me happy, that she is the one that took my hand and held it tight? Have I told you that she is the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on, that I have ever met? She truly is the figure that made me cry my heart to rest and lay my troubles to sleep. Her, the one who captured my heart for the first time I looked into her eyes. No one can compare; she out ranks them all. If only I could let the world know, I would do it in a heartbeat.

Don’t take away what I find so comforting, so safe. To spend my life with her, that is Heaven. People spend their lives trying to find Paradise, but what they do not see is that it is a state of being. I am in Paradise when I am with her. And when I am not, well, that is something else. I have heard her voice, so melodic it is. It takes my breath away to hear her sing, to hear her speak, but to hear her pulse each time I am close enough I get nervous. Simple words that roll from her tongue make me blush. A careful look into her eyes and I can see a sparkle in them. It’s beautiful to see, it’s like looking to a galaxy with stars shining brightly with their light colors.

I do not know what I say. Everything came out in a jumble. It was disorderly and unfashionable. But isn’t that how it is supposed to be? It’s a feeling that doesn’t make sense, but at the same time you understand one thing completely. That’s how I feel. I am so sure about this: that I want to be with her forever.

Ima koko ni kimi ga iru.

Posted on 2006.09.28 at 16:26
Where am I: Old Grey
I am feeling: guess how I feel
Maestro: Moonlit Sonata second movement - Ludwig von Beethoven

It was weird. I felt weird. When I woke up I felt like I had deja vous. I remember that I had a dream in my mere hours of sleep. I was scared . . .

* I’m not going into any major details . . . because . . . 1) it’s my dream and I like to savor what happens and 2) I am not entirely sure what happened myself.

I remember going to the store and purchasing something that had cost me practically my whole wallet. Maybe I had been saving up the money to buy this particular item. I remember smiling when I exited the store and placed it into my jacket pocket and drove off. Later I had walked through the park at night and sat on a bench. It was strange, the city lights were off and I could see the stars so clearly like that one night in Hawaii by the beach. A star passed by and I made a wish. I did not hear what I wished for, nor do I remember.

I woke up.

And got a drink, I thought it was a random dream.

I went back to bed.

We held hands as we walked through the park on another night, but this night was colder. It was winter. My hands were cold as they normally were, I did not wear gloves. She took my hand and held it as she put our hands in my jacket pocket. I felt myself shiver as I warmed up to her touch. But she had let go and taken something from my pocket. It was a small box. We stopped walking and she sat on a bench as I took the box from her. I, in front of her, kneeled. I looked into her hazel eyes and I thought I saw stars again. But hers, I could tell, sparkled in a different way than a star does. I opened the velvet box and revealed what I had purchased on that one day. A ring. Slowly I said the words and started to cry. I asked her to marry me.