Three months….only three months…I’m not complaining.

 

Julie and I spent the third month together so splendidly. I had so many laughs from it but five times as many kisses as well. Julie has the sweetest touch and the most entertaining body language, especially when she laughs, keeps from laughing, or passionate a gentile. Even in the dark she is beautiful. But either way our time we spent had come to an end.

 

Kitty and I have been talking since we dropped off Julie at seven today. We talked together with only me and her for four hours straight in the car. It is a change that I like. We are becoming more like sisters. Of course, I already considered her a sister but we did do out share of bonding that we do every once in a blue moon. But tonight it was different, it was more in depth, it was more my views tonight. We got started talking about our dreams we used to have and how we have changed since we were little. Then we veered off and segued into the subject of me, how I was not like most people in the south, how I was not a Christian believer, how I had a different orientation to that of the common southerner. She got me to start talking about how my life was growing up being who I was and how I am. She got me to say how I felt about Julie that I was unable to tell anyone else in person. She got me to smile. We talked about the relationship Julie and I have. I told her how I had wanted to be with her even after college. I told her about my dream about proposing to her. I told her about some of the difficulties she and I are having with her parents, her past feelings about being how I am, how this kind of life is so new to her. Kitty, I could tell by the look on her face and the tone of her voice, gained a new perspective for Julie and a new respect for her as well. She understood everything Julie was going through. But then we went back to talking about how I would come out to my own parents. She gave me advice on when or how to do it. She helped me on my timing with the consequences I would have to face when I do come out to them. She told me that if I told them early, like if I were to tell them now, they might not believe me and might think that I did not know what I was talking about.

 

But then that connected to me explaining how I knew I was different from the very start. I knew I was going to be different from the other kids at a very young age. Then I came to learn about how I was labeled as in society. I said to her how in the beginning of middle school I came to cope that I was what I was and that I cannot change it. What I was is a disease and that there was something wrong with me. During the middle of my junior high school career I went into denial that it was not a disease but only something I made myself into. I told myself that if the world did not need anyone like me then I should just leave myself out of the world and drove myself into depression and ultimately into self destruction, until I met Liz and Blake. They helped me out of that and opened me up to a world where I am what I am and I was not alone. My last year of middle school brought me to accept myself with who I am and not what everyone said I was. I got myself to open up to what I was so afraid of before. I told her everything.

 

Then I got to telling her how I had a crush on someone but I was still dating someone that Blake hooked me up with. I don’t blame her for out mutuality. But I told her how I would always watch her from the window and seek her out and wish to be near her. I told her how I had been waiting for the longest time just for that one moment we had together when she whispered that we should be together. She understood the long process I had gone though to get to the point where we were today at our three month anniversary.

 

I thought of the time I knew her name to the time when I could not stop thinking about it, to the time I first saw her face to the time I never wanted to stop looking. It might have been only three months that we have been together but the months before then were the greatest foundation we had to share together to get to what we are now. It is what we went through that tells us that it will last forever; it is what tells me that now. Kitty made me realize that it does not matter how long a couple we are together that makes it a long time it is how long we love each other that makes it forever.

 

Happy Anniversary for the Third Month Julianne.

 

I cannot wait until Always and Forever with you.

I decided to come to school today. I knew I was going to have a head ache, but I went to school anyway. I was really excited about the little concert though. But over all I wanted to see Julie and be able to say I love her for another time.

 

All those who were participating in the Foreign Language Concert for the school got to skip first and second block. First block was so that we could practice on the stage and formations. Then second block was for the actual concert. At the beginning of the practice I was ready and hyped up for the whole thing. My head ache was nowhere to be found. Since Sensei had not shown up just yet I was roaming around everywhere, and trying to gather up the lost people for the Japanese group. After that I went around to the French group to inform Madame Gallion that I was present and that I was to stay with the Japanese group until Sensei came. I was freaking out because Ms. Collins was asking me where Sensei was and where our music was. I told her that Sensei had the music and she was not there yet. I waited a couple minutes by the auditorium door and found Sensei walk in. I rush to her and tell her that I needed the music. She had it on a CD and I gave that to Ms. Collins. Sensei said she made a few people booklets with the lyrics we were to sing. I took them and ran to the group to pass it out to those who needed them. Mrs. Sayama was trying to get everyone organized, but yet again she was making all of us remember that the whole performance was for a grade. She did the same thing last year and everyone was getting really annoyed. Again, she took the fun out of it. I was trying to enjoy myself.

 

I like being on stage, though I get really nervous at times. I was worrying about the lyrics for the French songs. I knew everything for Japanese, but French I was having trouble with. Every now and then I would get away from the Japanese group to go to the French group in the back corner of the auditorium to go over the lyrics again and again.

 

We actually got the practice going after we were organized into sections. First it was the Spanish and then it was Japanese. We practiced singing “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reign Deer” on stage and I could then feel my head ache coming to me. All during the organization I could feel myself bringing up a fever, but the look on Julie’s face whenever she looked at me said that I was not doing a very good job of keeping it all in. She put her hand to my cheek and her voice sounded terrified. I could not tell if I was burning up or anything so I just blew it off. When we did a practice again and when we were lined up against the wall I could feel it getting to me and my eyesight leaving me. I thought I was about to faint. When we started walking up the stairs I was trying to make light of it and made some jokes before getting on the stage, but on the third step I lost my eyesight and got light headed. I fell against the wall and Julie behind me asked if I was alright and gave me support when I got to walking again. I don’t think I ever answered her, I don’t think I wanted to answer her. I didn’t want to scare her, but I think I scared her even more by not answering. Yeah, that wasn’t the wisest decision I ever made.

 

I was glad that we only had to stay on stage for a limited time. The lights on us were not helping my oncoming fever. But after the Japanese practiced I had to run to the French group and get my things in order. When we went on stage I could feel Julie’s eyes on me the whole time. I was actually on the stage and not on one of the risers like when I sang with the Japanese. That made it even hotter for me. All those who were singing on the risers the hot air poured on those below them. I know this because it works the same way when you’re in chorus. The people at the bottom have more heat from those above them. I was getting light headed again. But I tried to smile for Julie. I was happy to be on stage and I was comfortable up there. I waved to her and she smiled to me. I kept that smile on my face almost the entire time on stage.

 

When all the classes practiced we took an intermission to bring all of our things to our classes and out of the auditorium. I took my bag and brought it to the French room that was a floor above the auditorium. Julie helped me up the stairs. I was trying to make light conversation with her, but she was really concerned about my health. She felt my face again and said that it had gotten hotter. I couldn’t tell really, but if that’s what she said, then it might have been true. When I put my things in the class I grabbed a couple of paper balls and stuck them into my pocket (they were props for the French songs). I was trying to make her laugh and take her mind of my health for a while. It worked for a while.

 

Second block came around for some of the school to watch us and the Japanese group was lined up against the wall again, ready for the show to start. I was really hyper again and I managed to make my headache go away for a few minutes. I was playing around with Julie, making light comments, making her laugh, bumping my hip with hers, dancing around, and basically being hyper. Then once we went on stage my headache was alleviating, but then the lights came out on us. I was on the riser with Julie behind me. I almost fell over when my eyesight went blank, but Julie caught me. She whispered in my ear, “I’ll catch you if you fall.” I closed my eyes and tried my hardest to straighten my head out. I heard the track start playing and put a smile on my face. I looked straight towards Sensei in the back of the room when we were singing “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reign Deer”. It looked like she was having fun dancing back there. That kept me going and smiling the whole time. Then we sang our second song that was about the New Year, Oshoogatsu. We were to sway a little and then I went light headed again. I put my hand behind my back and Julie got the message and took my hand. I needed support. I was glad that she was there for me. It was hard for me to sway back and forth, but I did it anyway. It wasn’t the best choice for me to make, but I was on stage and I know that I am supposed to do my best on stage. After the song was over we were supposed to bow, but I only nodded and leaned forward a bit. I carefully got down from the riser and followed everyone off stage. I walked off with a smile on my face. I did have fun up there, but I probably would have more fun without my unhealthy condition.

 

I was not done yet. I still had to sing with the French group. I wanted to stay with Julie for a little while longer, but I had a duty to perform and follow through with. I went to my other group and waited for us to sing. I slept some through some of the other performances. I heard a couple remarks that were really rude and nasty. But I didn’t have the power in me to do anything about it. I continued to sleep. I sat next to Madame Gallion and she woke me when we got ready to walk on stage. I was running the words in my head another time, but I could not remember a word of “Vive Le Vent”. I had the words of the carol we were to sing on the paper we brought up on stage so I at least knew one song. I checked my pockets again for my “snowballs”. I smiled because this was going to be fun. When we sang “Acure Fidelez” I was feeling my fever come again, especially when the lights were on me again. But I only stood and sang for that one song and that was alright for me. I kept my mind on the orchestra that was playing for us and thought of how nicely it sounded. But that did not help me at all, the sound was going to my head and standing so close to them did not help. I looked into the audience to find Julie and smiled when I found her looking at me. I think she kept her eyes on me the whole time. I sang the best I could, as loud as I could. Then after that song we were to grab more “snow balls” to throw at each other during “Vive Le Vent”. I took mine out and grabbed a few more

 

The track started to play and we all threw paper balls at each other. It was hard for me to move around and throw things without fainting. We were supposed to make it look like a snow ball fight between the singing and interludes, so I did what I could. I tapped on girl on the shoulder and threw it at her. Then I turn around to throw another at Vicky and Holly. Then the girl taps me on the shoulder and I turn to look at her and she gives me one in the face. I faked being shocked and threw my head back, which made me light headed. When we got to actually singing I was worried that I would not know the lyrics anymore, but I thought of the time when Julie came with me to rehearse with Madame Gallion one day after school. Then the words came to me in that instant. I looked at Julie and she was singing along also. I smiled and my vision came to me somewhat. You know how people stick out of the crowd sometimes? I had that; it was like a spotlight was on her the whole time she would sing along with us.

 

We were that last group to sing and then we got all the language groups to stand and sing “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”. When we were done we cleaned up the stage and picked up the paper balls we threw around. I went under stage sets and bent over a couple times. It gave me a headache. All the classes were gone from the auditorium but all the language groups had to stay in their seats. The French group was on stage sitting. I walked over to Holly and she said that I looked red. She put her hand to my head and she put her other to hers. She said that I was burning up. I could feel it then. I lied my head down on the stage and closed my eyes tightly. I didn’t know what to do. I stayed like that for a moment and Ms. Sayama dismissed us to our classes. I did not feel like walking just yet. I sat on the steps and tried to calm myself. Julie came running to me and took care of me. She felt my head, my neck, my cheek and said that I burning up also.

 

We walked again up to the third floor and got our things to go on to the remaining fifteen minutes of second block. She helped me to class once again. We walked from the third floor all the way to the first floor. When I got to Chemistry I was glad they were watching a movie, and then I could sleep some. I went to sleep on someone’s desk and stayed there for a really, really long time. I growled at the person who turned on the light when it was time to go to lunch. Apparently when I was all excited this morning I had forgotten a lot of things, including my lunch. I had forgotten to make Julie and my lunch. I felt so bad that I had did not bring it. I stared her. Man, I’m horrible. We had outside like we usually do and I could feel myself cooling down. Julie went straight to the bathroom, and I was worried about her and followed her into the building. When I got to the restroom I wound her making me a wet paper towel for my head. It helped some. I was definitely cooling off. She matted it all over my face. Julie was trying hard to take care of me. I love her effort. I told her that I was fine, but my temperature betrayed me. She said that when she took away the towel from my face it was no longer cold, that it was as hot as my forehead. To tell you the truth I was getting better. I got her to come out from the bathroom and back outside with the fresh air. I got to running around a bit in the court yard with Nicky, BBnka, and Danielle and stretched my muscles and gave myself a breather. I was worried because Julie wasn’t having any fun with us. She only sat on the ground and didn’t talk to me or anyone else. She was worried about me again and I couldn’t convince her that I was feeling better. All I needed was fresh air and a breather from the congested auditorium.

 

Lunch was over and we made our way to Japanese class. Tasha and Miko needed money for tip that they had to pay for the Domino’s Pizza dude. We were planning this from the last time they came over to the house and I agreed that I would help pay for it. I gave my money to Miko and Tasha and went to Japanese to tell Sensei that the pizza was coming. All that walking and running outside did me some good; my headache was gone and my fever was gone, all needed was food and for Julie to cheer up. We watched Memoirs of a Geisha. I heard it was a good movie, but I needed to be the judge of that. I read the book a couple of times and I thoroughly enjoyed that. Julie and I got some of the pizza that came. I fed her my pepperoni that was on mine and we watched together. I held her hand during the movie and told her that I was feeling better. She touched me head again and cheered up. I felt cooler and we continued to enjoy the rest of the movie. I got hungry again and took another pizza and ate that. I shared the last slice with Julie and fed it to her. She was having some trouble tearing it off. It was cute. We used my jacket as a blanket and Julie took it with her to fourth block. By the end of the period I was all hyper again and a little mad because we didn’t get to finish the movie.

 

Julie and I separated to our last class of the day. In French Culture we watched Count of Monte Cristo and had some food and drinks. I was getting all into the movie and it turns out that we didn’t finish that one either. I have Memoirs of a Geisha, but I do not own Count of Monte Cristo. That is a really good movie.

 

After school I waited for Julie so that we could walk to Japanese club together. I was talking to Caitlin and Julie slowly comes out to us carrying my jacket and her art folder. I took hold of her and she started pressed her face into my jacket. I got worried and panicked. Then I could tell that she wasn’t crying, but chuckling. She said that she had a headache that might have gotten to her and might have gone into the wrong bathroom. She wanted me to go with her to check to see if she really did. I carried her things to Japanese club and set them there. We both went back to the bathroom she went to and she had the realization that she did go into the wrong bathroom. Poor thing, she shouldn’t worry though, it happens to practically everyone. I carried her on my back when we walked back to Japanese club.

 

We played some games and took lots of pictures. Then we got to make our own post cards for the year of the Boar. I got Julie one of the cute pigs and I got this…black pig Julie says is from Ranma or something like that. I went a little marker crazy. But I was worried about Julie, so wasn’t smiling like she was earlier. We made ourselves some rice balls. I wanted to make Julie a generic sushi to at least make her smile. I guess the small twitch at the corner of her lip could have been considered a smile when I gave her the sushi. I made myself a smaller sushi. Ani, Jackie, Nam, Kit-Kat, Meka, Julie and I stayed behind and ate with Sensei. Then we cleaned up and went on our way.

 

I carried Julie’s art folder, our presents we got earlier from Danielle, our post cards we drew, and my book bag to the parking lot where we waited for our rides to come and pick us up. She was getting cold and shivered when we sat on the pavement. I gave her my jacket once again and tried to warm her up. I was really worried about her. I was doing my best. I held her and tried to rub her gently. I was afraid that it wasn’t helping her much. I hummed into her ear a tune that I always loved as a child, “Love Me Tender” by Elvis Presley. I hope she got warmer or at least liked it. I wanted to be with her this afternoon, but since she wasn’t feeling well we decided that is would be best if she went home and rested. I was glad that Mikums came soon after that.

 

I stayed outside after she got picked up for another ten or fifteen minutes. Mother came by after work to pick me up. In the car I felt my fever coming back. When we got home I blindly made my way to my room and I luckily collapsed onto my bed. I didn’t wake up until eleven.